It's Not Safe to Hike Alone

Calvin Weibel

Life can be dangerous. Therefore you should spend yours hunched over a computer screen.

Inevitably, people always react the same way when I say I'm hiking alone. "Is that SAFE?" "You should always bring someone with you!" "What if something HAPPENS?" 

This response seems common enough that I think it's worth addressing.



Is it safe to hike alone?

Nope. Not at all.

Hikers are at risk of wifi withdrawal, a serious condition that plagues all those brave souls who dare to venture beyond the bounds of human civilization. And what about dirt? Dirt is an earthy substance that resides on the ground, and science has definitively proven that it's important for humans to avoid contact with soil of any kind. And what if you're bitten by an insect? It's venom will probably cause you a slow and painful death. Or what if you get eaten by a marmot? These are all dramatic threats that deserve our attention.

Perhaps the most serious threat is that of a stabbing attack. I'm from Arizona, where the plants can be downright vicious. Take a hike in the Sonoran Desert and you'll find that all of the growing things are relentless in their efforts to stab you.  



See this plant? This plant wants to stab you. Stabby plant. Just stay inside.

But in all seriousness. Of all the dangerous things you could be doing, let's say hiking is one of them. What's the alternative?  If you want to try something really dangerous, try spending your life in an eternal cubicle hunched over a computer screen pushing buttons. That's dangerous.




But watch out for those marmots.  

Published: December 13, 2016

Calvin Weibel

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